Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
