I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
