Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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