Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize