fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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