there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
