I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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