You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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