Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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