Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
