I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
