And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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