I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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