so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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