can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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