drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
