9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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