I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
