Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
