Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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