No stitches, just platelets and will power
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize