My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
