It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I think I just sharted jello shots
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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