I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
