a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
A bitchslap is in order.
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