If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
