There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
