I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
