I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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