the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
