He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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