She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
