are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
