Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
