On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
