It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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