In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Did I show you my penis last night?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
