she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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