ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize