In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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