I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
