what day is it and did you see me today?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
