his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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