the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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