i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
