He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
