giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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