You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i barfeds in our rink
We named our party play list daddy issues
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
