shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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