Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
