I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
