ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
