A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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