Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
