Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
