So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
