Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It's just like the Real World with babies
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
