She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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