I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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