He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize