You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Come share oat with me in your robe
as a side note pls kill me
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
