it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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