If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
