Don't make out with my wife yet
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
