I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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