I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
