I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
