You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
