This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
