i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
