sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
